My hat is off to you for choosing your focus for your own well-being. Thank you. Posted Sep 10, 2016 One thing that would really help with overthinking for many people like me would be reassurance but I don’t get that as much as I need to feel okay. These thoughts don’t have to ruin you, though. an inability to be vulnerable. idea and you didn’t want to upset or disappoint the people around I am also an avid overthinker and get anxious thinking about my SO. Namaste my friend, and thanks for the reminder. Thank you so much. [–]JustLetMeBeMane 12 points13 points14 points 2 years ago (0 children), Definitely saving this to read for when I’m not running on 3 hours sleep. I’m dating a girl now, and due to our work/school schedules we only see each other on the weekends and the lack of daily communication throughout the week really makes me uneasy, even though nothing seems wrong when I see her in person. Oh, ghosting. [–]JuiceT56 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children). This over-thinker thanks you! Nice!! I want to be a better person by not putting any pressure on him (I just so wish he would communicate directly instead, whether or not he's further interested). Thank you, OP, for reminding me that my partner is going through the same things I am. © 2021 reddit inc. All rights reserved. I'm trying to build respect and trust - but I doubt if this can work considering her nature. [–]1bulbass 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children), [–]tardo_UK 8 points9 points10 points 2 years ago (1 child). I imagine in a similar breath on my down days she's out there rooting for me. You are overthinking if something is on your mind and you continuously go over it. I... probably shouldn't have read this while fighting depression...it's a very good advice tho, just not exactly the best to my mind right now. We carry past issues into new relationships. Mostly I overthink about things that may go wrong and begin to set up defense mechanisms for it. 1. In becoming someone who self-sabotages the good things that happen in life.. It gives me the confidence to improve myself, and the ways I can do exactly that- for myself and for my SO :), [–]tashthevirgo 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children). Here are 4 signs that your overthinking might be hurting your relationship: The site may not work properly if you don't, If you do not update your browser, we suggest you visit, Press J to jump to the feed. Every text could be misconstrued and be the one she dumps me over, every time she doesn't respond/takes longer than usual is the time she ghosted me. This lovely time may end or not, but don't let the potential finality of the experience scare you and pack your bags. Thank you so much for sharing them with the world. Realize that your SO may view you in the same lense. Thank you! A clear and honest intention to share thoughts may make you realize: "wait we both are thinking a lot and both of us have lots to protect...". A few of your tips are very helpful and came at the right time. You predict future bad behavior. Memes and fluff content may be subject to removal. [–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points 2 years ago (0 children). Be out in full force and a level head. Overthinking in relationships without complete information is a waste of time. [–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 2 years ago* (0 children). ^^, [–]asspostates 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children), Holy shit THANK YOU!!!! Not too much. [–]SLAM9290 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children), I over think so much.. this post made my whole morning. - Trust her/him, a strong relationship is an intelligent one; your partner is processing the world just as much as you, be confident that the relationship will figure itself out with clear communication and a healthy dose of patience. Overthinking is a common issue I address in my therapy office. It's such a hot topic and can be such a frustrating experience, but we've probably all been ghosted and… [–]vinit33pratap 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children). I really needed this right now in my life. [–]dylansayshello 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children), Over thinker here whose relationship is about to be a LDR for the next six months. [–]SauryReddit 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children). We fear heartache. [–]cchristensen00 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (0 children), I’ve been in a long distance relationship for the past year and over-thinking things has been my biggest enemy. If you do have enough info, then there’s no need to overthink anything. It could be a symptom of Relationship-OCD (r/ROCD). :), [–]Dillogence 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children), [–]Appa_yipp-yipp 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children). Not exactly in a relationship "relationship", but a test I have with someone I consider my SO includes a lot of effort to veer away from overthinking. NEVER assume. It was very eye opening reading this post. So don’t even bother thinking about how to stop assuming things in a relationship . I’m an over thinker and I’m a worrier. I've already broken up before it started so thank you☺, [–]skymaiden44 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (0 children). Not exactly in a relationship "relationship", but a test I have with someone I consider my SO includes a lot of effort to veer away from overthinking. Thank you so much. [–]HelloMolly26 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (0 children). Though I am a worrier by nature anyways. Overthinking is more than just a nuisance--studies show thinking too much can take a serious toll on your well-being. Beyond amazing which I not used to so lord knows I’m having trouble over thinking/analyzing, [–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points 2 years ago (0 children). [–]lizzzellzzz 18 points19 points20 points 2 years ago (0 children). It's hard as hell to keep a relationship with a affliction effecting over thinking but it's really quite about redirecting thought rather than ignoring it. I’d say not toxic just highly anxious thinking, put the cards on the table see if you both have things in common or don’t (that’s cool too) and if there are no red flags and he loves you then you’ll probably need to do some self love, self care confident boost and find ways to lower the anxiety and start implementing positive thoughts. [–]susanxo97 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children). What an inspiration you are, kind sir. them out on a date. Rendered by PID 17644 on r2-app-0670174bcc105fa63 at 2021-02-14 11:15:47.395578+00:00 running 6289523 country code: US. Let your partner know, even if they don't understand. He’s right. (self.dating_advice). No additional comment just want to give bonus points for use of the word, "Contingents". What works for me is when i catch myself making up scenarios i just tell myself "fakeee" and then i brush it off and think about something else. If I could give you gold, I would. YES! Partner is a bigger over-thinker; she interrupts or questions others mid-sentence and shrugs off personal advice (even cooking recipes) for internet articles. Basically, it's an important lesson to remember that relationships are bilateral. (Hopefully in a positive way). Overthinking your relationship just happens, especially when you really like someone and you want it to work out. I’m going on a date with a guy who lives 80 miles away; I mean he’ll need to be pretty special to want to pursue a LDR anyway, but this is a timely reminder of how to broach my need to dissect e v e r y t h i n g should it go well. Here are 10 apparent signs that prove you might suffer from overthinking disorder: 1. [–]r2d2ie 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children). I've been stressing out so much about it and it hasn't even happened yet. Know the scenarios theyre making up in their head is fake. Sponsored: The best dating/relationships advice on the web. If you are unsure about something, think about how and then ask about it. If this is the case, you may need to treat your anxiety or depression to reduce overthinking. [–]isitjustme196 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children). I balanced every word he said, trying to find something else in his words. I’m a HUGE over thinker and just started dating someone (month 3 I believe). This is a personal preference. if u can't stop thinking about it, try to go positive. - Remember that if you are putting the time, so is she/he! It has impacted my relationship at times. It is a matter of perspective, timing, and maturity. (unless something is obvious that the relationship is imbalanced). - [NA]: We apply a double standard to a lot of things in life; I found I was applying a double standard for my relationship. Need help with your relationship? This is actually exactly what I needed right now. Overthinking may have been the reason that past relationships of yours have ended, even if that particular thought never entered your slightly over-wrought mind. Some little stupid thing will become this stupid little thing that I've now been swirling around my head for hours. You already got this far and got farther to go! Anxiety - Overthinking is the mental equivalent of pacing the floor, driven by the belief that you should be able to solve a problem by exerting enough mental energy. Telling short guys that you'd date them because you "aren't a fan of masculine, dominant guys" isn't really a compliment, You are important, beautiful, and powerful don’t let anyone tell you different. [–]Thefartingduck8 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children), What if I’m an over thinker, but not in a relationship and am attempting to get over someone, [–]FarGarage 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children), This is great. The not calling example is an easy one, because most of us can relate in the early stages of a relationship to the chaotic tangle of thoughts that flood our minds, interpreting and over-analyzing, combing emails for tone and decoding ambiguous emojis. [–]MissHeadStash 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children), Thank you so much for this. Thanks for the good advice though. Thank you! And yet I can't help but think of the smallest things that I may have done wrong that have made her upset with me, or question why she hasn't texted me back since the last text I sent. I want to be a better person by not putting any pressure on him (I just so wish he would communicate directly … They just use the term to say, “it’s not cuz im dumb, it’s cuz im too smart.”, [–]RichardsLeftNipple 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children). Hope it can tho, Honestly, and i don't mean to sound like a dick, but when i was 16ish i got my heart broken i just tried to convince myself that i have only live 1/6th of my life and if it didn't work out then it wasn't meant to be, i'm 27 now and still haven't found 'the one' and that's fine, because worse case scenario i'm only half way through life, you're gonna be alright bud, promise. Perhaps Thank you so much, [–]brici_sebastian 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (0 children), If you just posted this 6 months ago maybe it wouldn`t happen what happend :/ Thank anyway, maybe best advice read today, [–]kulhae 3 points4 points5 points 2 years ago (1 child), [–]ashuamam 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children), [–]mariaellabetos 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (0 children), Needed this today. I wish I had known this sooner ): [–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children), I needed to read this! A particular idea becomes overwhelming, and you start worrying about it. - [NA]: You are probably not the only over thinker in the room; with clearer communication, you may be surprised how thoughtful your partner is. Thank you! [–]7throwawayhelp7 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children). [–]blu_sk_eye_s 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children). Check out Relationship Hero a site where highly trained relationship coaches get you, get your situation, and help you accomplish what you want. If I had seen this six months ago I might be a far happier man today. I used to overthink things a lot and it held me back in ways that weren’t fun at all. REDDIT and the ALIEN Logo are registered trademarks of reddit inc. π Rendered by PID 17644 on r2-app-0670174bcc105fa63 at 2021-02-14 11:15:47.395578+00:00 running 6289523 country code: US. Overthinking ruined my relationship, because I always doubted the man I was with. Overthinking in relationships is just one of the signs and it significantly diminishes our ability to enjoy love and relationships to the fullest. I’ll reference this as much as possible when I feel that way now though. Good luck. This really helped me. [–]cadfan1a 255 points256 points257 points 2 years ago (11 children). Great job of bringing it full circle , [–]Rheastar 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children), [–]itzll 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children), [–]therkop 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children). [–]jacksheart 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (1 child). - [NA]: To the above point, it is worth realizing that you may be with your SO because she/he is imperfect; the slight blemishes in his/her psyche or physical look (if you can call it that) becomes a defining part of them. rejection. But with an idle mind I'll ruminate on some issue typically resolving around my relationship. Honestly, if I had this three and a half years ago I wouldn't be single right now. Thank you, OP. Making a mountain out of a mole-hill will only push the partner away. People often come to their appointments saying things like, "I can't relax. The 3 steps I use to cope with it in my relationship are: Understand overthinking is a result of fear; Get in touch with … Accept The Fact That You Are An Overthinker And It Is Negative. But getting lost in a sort of overthinking disorder can result in becoming someone who stands still in life. truly enjoy because other people always told you that it was a good 2. Wow I just looked up Anxious Attachment Style and I've never found something that fits my personality in relationships so well. My husband and I live in separate homes. Moments of doubt and confusion. And I have a tendency to do the same thing of overthinking. let me just say long distance sucks and I'm sure there is a million people who would love to be close to you and in a healthy relationship. Overthinking in relationships is just one of the high functioning anxiety symptoms. Putting it in context, yes, a relationship is a large part of one's life and should be, for the best, done as optimally as possible, but if you can tell me something else you did perfectly or idyllically I will be surprised. The Real Reason We Over-Think Relationships Thinking is a smokescreen for stuff we're trying to avoid . [–]Abi_Mc_Ta_Da 11 points12 points13 points 2 years ago (2 children), Over-thinking makes us feel like we're solving problems, when in reality, we're creating problems that are probably not even there. Going to save for future moments of doubt. i struggle to remember that people don’t have to be obsessive and overbearing constantly … Not being able to makes you feel anxious and agitated, and fills you with self-doubt. Problems created that aren’t actually problems. Perhaps you’re stuck in a job or lifestyle you don’t I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. .. thank you !! I hate being like this. Here’s how you can stop letting overthinking destroy your relationships. Sometimes we are comfortable sharing it to each other, sometimes we are not. I haven’t dated in years and years and every time something between us goes less than perfect I panic and think maybe this is going to fall apart but it never does and I think I feel this way because after years of not dating I’ve spent too much time imagining this perfect relationship and forgotten that humans are imperfect and relationships are imperfect but that doesn’t mean they aren’t strong! Overthinking can cause you to obsess over relationship and life situations, adding unnecessary drama and problems. [–]haveninmuse 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children). I used to overthink all the time but when i consciously see myself doing it i usually just brush it off now because i been doing it so much that it became "my nature" to just brush it off hahah. These are fantastic advice. I’m a 25M hopeless romantic who falls for people way too fast and always end up getting hurt. I love the detail; gonna reference this in the future! They have their story that they call 'their past' and it has given them a view just as nuanced and beautiful as yours. [–]cheese2253 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children), this is me u/kldavis10 but when I forget to think this way, it sometimes combines with my emotional instability and makes for a freaking tornado and I'm sorry you have to deal with all that, [–]vivalakitties 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children), Really appreciate you posting this. Why do I think of it with a lense of idealism? Think of her/him as both mentor/teacher/student. It turns out that overthinking activates the same parts of the brain that cause fear and anxiety. [–]nlyddane 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children), I started soothing my crazy brain with “well, what if it works?”, [–]banana-oatmeal 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children). Exercise bro. [–]AutoModerator[M] [score hidden] 2 years ago stickied comment (2 children). Thank you, [–]cinnamonxkitten 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children), This is super helpful! By training our brains to be more positive than negative it makes us happier people for sure. To all the over-thinkers out there, you aren’t alone in the struggles hopefully the comment section reflects that this is something we all are working to improve on. We just started dating and I am already thinking about how it is going to end. All the comments are awesome. You are awesome for thinking about this and sharing it! Even tonight, I just got home from a date with a girl I've been seeing for a month, and it went really well, holding hands the whole time, kissing a bunch, and we're seeing each other tomorrow. You are also their source of happiness and man, you got one loyal subscriber! you. I'd already started to establish boundaries and habits to make the impact of being this way less (like not texting if it's an important issue) etc but this is super helpful thanks OP! But refer back to ask. I’m in a great relationship with someone I love and respect and admire so much. When this happens, anxiety takes over while inducing a hefty dosage of overthinking.

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